Sorry Hamza Ali Abbasi, We Only Want to Kill You

Source: aaj.tv/thenewstribe.com

Source: aaj.tv/thenewstribe.com

How could you possibly think about daring to ask such a question?

That too on the national TV?

What is the matter with our media channel owners, or should I say the media mafia?

Now before I go on, I want you to know something about us.

We are the most peaceful people in the world. We tell our believers to kiss the name of the God and the Prophet.

But here is something about us that you probably don’t know, o simpleton who thinks that the people in a religious seminary are more tolerant and accepting than liberal fascists. OK, perhaps you were right about the accepting part anyway.

But we also tell our followers to take human life and give sacrifices in the name of love and honor of the faith. Because unlike you, we have a faith that is strong and unshakable.

I hope that did not come as a shock to you, because if it did you are clearly not aware what our boys did to that loudmouth Governor of Punjab.

Now that potty mouth asshole, may he burn in the hottest flames in hell, dared to question the very existence of the blasphemy law?

Didn’t you see what we did to him?

And even then, you dared try asking about the sacred second amendment that we got passed after years of so many sacrifices? How dare you doubt those sacred words?

How dare you, o foolish little man who thinks that an Islamic State can survive without writing the death warrants of the Ahmedi community?

But we know that you did not really mean it.

Now don’t get too upset, we actually like you. Particularly your name. Hamza. Ali. And Abbasi, ah what a sacred association.

But what we don’t like is what you just said. You gotta watch your words. You could have at least realized what your name is and means before opening your forever-broken, rotten, and condemned mouth.

Again let us remind you, o silly soul who thinks that Muslims are the most tolerant people on earth, that our platform is completely meant to propagate peace and love in this earth of God. And that is what we do.

However, if anyone dares to question anything about the status of the Ahmedi community, and if the state and PEMRA let them get away with it, keep in mind that we are a people of great honor.

For your kind information, o gullible accepter of gagaland myths, we have never tolerated hearing and do not ever tolerate hearing such secular bullcrap coming out of the mouths of so-called social justice warriors.

They have no idea what being a warrior is even remotely like.

Even our glorious armed forces have an obscure rule about shooting the stealer of state secrets that may or may not be real. If they have a shoot to death facility, it is imperative that so should we. Not that we need such a rule.

Let this be a warning to you, o believer in the insane notion that an Islamic State offers complete protection to non-religious minorities. If you ever think about committing such an offense again, we have our ISILesque Jihadi ninjas prepared for shearing your ball sack with their crescent blades.

Or at least we have a couple of annoying wannabe-clerics deployed in airports anyway to harass you before and after those godawful flights that you somehow get through in a single piece. Being harassed like that is one sign of being a kafir. Just ask JJ.

Again let us tell you, o naïve mind who is in search of fellow believers in the mythical faith known as True Islam, that we are anything but hatemongers.

We don’t preach hate. Let the haters go to those who actually do. They will find them with guns and gunpowder. You got it, we are talking about the NRA.

However, let us remind you, o propagator of completely false information about devout men of faith, that those who agree with a kafir also happens to be a kafir. Either you are with them, or with us.

There, there, we know that you are a righteous soul.

We know you had no idea what was coming out of your forever-broken, rotten, and condemned mouth.

So please tell us who was it that made you utter the obscenity that people can even think about being capable of empathizing with the condemned Ahmedis.

And stop mocking us for assuming that you could be an Ahmedi yourself for crying out loud, as we clearly don’t. Or you would not be alive today to commit this monstrous atrocity.

Tell us the name of those unpatriotic, faithless entities…

Or don’t complain when we come for you.

Sorry Hamza Ali Abbasi, we love you.

We only want to kill you.

A version of this post was originally published in The Nation blogs.
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